I’m not going to patronise you by clichéing my way through this intro, suffice it to say, the average parent gets about as much sleep as an on-call Emergency doctor. Though of course, in place of a pager we have a small crying human, and the types of emergencies we attend to range from half hourly hunger bursts to irrational fears of the dark.
The current sleep situation in my house of five involves a nightly round of musical beds, a boob-loving baby and close to a year of broken sleep. So I sought the wisdom of sleep consultant, Erika Lamour and founder of The Sleep Dept and quizzed her on everything from STTN* to moving baby from bassinet to cot, sleep training with more than one child and coping with jet lag.
*Sleeping Through the Night
TLH: tell us about yourself
EL: I’m beyond obsessed with babies, which means my chosen career was always going to involve working with them in some way! My business specialises in guiding babies (and their whole family) in getting a deep and restorative sleep that everyone needs to not only thrive, but function at their very best!
TLH: how did you get started in this profession?
EL: I have been lucky enough to work with kids for nearly 10 years now. A family I worked for hired a Sleep Consultant - which I had never actually heard of! From there, I became a bit obsessed. Read every book, did every course and finally took the plunge and started The Sleep Dept 2 years ago.
TLH: why is it important to help a baby learn to sleep through the night?
EL: A lot of the time, parents want to make sure their babies are getting the right amount of sleep to ensure they are thriving in all parts of their development. BUT it’s not just the baby who needs sleep. Parents need it just as much. Often, a parent will think it’s selfish to want this, but when you’re tired every single aspect of your life is affected. Relationships, work performance, energy levels and even driving tired with a little bub in the back!
TLH: I’m currently dealing with a 10mo who refuses to sleep at night unless she’s in my bed; what strategy would you advise in this situation?
EL: I wish it was that clear cut! The process a parent goes through when they need help guiding their baby to sleep from The Sleep Dept involves a very thorough form that needs to be filled out so that we can understand every single contributing factor and work out how to solve that issue from there.
TLH: should I keep feeding my baby at night? How can I tell if she’s waking from hunger or habit?
EL: From about 6 months, if your baby is well established on solids, a healthy weight and has no underlying medical issues we can usually drop all night feeds. As always though, this is a deeply personal decision and one that I often recommend the families I work with get the tick of approval from their dr, for extra peace of mind. If your baby is sucking for a few seconds and not really getting anything from the feed, it's a pretty strong sign it's become a habit!
TLH: what do you find are the 3 biggest mistakes parents make when they try to implement a sleep schedule?
EL: There is really only 1! Consistency! Parents have the best of intentions when they start on their own, but lacking support from someone who knows exactly what to expect, what each cry means, what time your baby will most likely wake during the night etc can mean that the anticipation in not knowing what to expect (especially on Night 1) means that more often than not, they give up and give their baby a confusing, inconsistent response.
TLH: why do babies tend to wake up after 20 or 30 minutes of putting them down?
EL: Usually it’s because they are overtired. An overtired baby will have a stress hormone - cortisol - that runs through their body when they are overtired. Making it impossible for them to get into a deep sleep, which in turn means short sleep cycles!
TLH: does the proximity to Mum (and her milk) cause a baby to wake more during the night?
EL: It can make it harder, but with the right re-settling technique it's quite easy to help a baby back to sleep without a feed.
TLH: what are some tips to help a newborn develop good sleep habits?
EL: There isn’t too much I would recommend when it comes to newborns. They are getting to know this world, so implementing something too structured - in my opinion - is way too stressful for everyone involved! The only 2 tips I would ever recommend for a newborn are -
· Focus on making sure bub isn’t awake for more than 60 minutes. Newborns really can’t handle much more than that!
· Let your little one fall asleep in their own sleeping space for a few of their naps, so that those foundations start to build.
TLH: how about tips for older babies?
EL: The main thing with the older bubs is to make sure they aren’t using any external sleep associations - dummies, rocking to sleep, feeding to sleep etc), as this can create some strong attachments that babies can get used to very quickly! At around 6 months, a baby has the ability to sleep through the night (given they are healthy, a healthy weight, eating solids and have no underlying medical issues).
TLH: what is your advice when transitioning a baby from bassinet to cot?
EL: Do it as late as possible! There is no rush. If your baby is showing signs of climbing out of the cot, then of course, it's time to transition, but we always advise to hold off as long as possible!
TLH: how important is day napping for babies under a year?
EL: Super important. It's kind of like a cycle. If your baby isn't sleeping well overnight, they are overtired for their naps, vice versa. Ensuring your baby is well rested during the day (and at night) means they thrive in their development.
TLH: should the pacifier be retired in order to sleep train?
EL: In most cases, we do advise that getting rid of pacis/dummies is useful. If a baby can't replace their own pacifiers in the middle of the night, they have no choice to call out and have someone out it back in for them. At around 9 months, a baby can usually replace it themselves, but this means that they are still waking to do so.
TLH: how can I sleep train without waking my other children?
EL: Three ideas…
· A fun sleepover at grandma & grandpa’s house for a night or 2
· A slumber party in the room that is furthest away from baby’s room with Dad
· Nice, loud white noise to drown out any sounds!
TLH: what is your advice for navigating travel and jet lag when it comes to baby’s sleep?
EL: Often, we find that babies adjust quite easily on holidays. Coming back home can be the tricky part. It can take a good two weeks before your baby is back on track.
· Aim to schedule a little less in the first few days that you’re home. More than likely, your baby will still be re-adjusting to life back at home.
· Adjust time zones straight away. Try to get back to the time zone where you are as soon as possible by adjusting naps and bedtime accordingly.
· Know that there may be a few night wakings and early mornings while your baby gets back on track.
TLH: if you had to give sleepless parents a word of encouragement or support, what would you tell them?
EL: It does get better! Being in the haze of sleep deprivation is rough and can feel never-ending. Whether your baby starts sleeping through on their own or you decide to get some outside help in, it does get better!
Every child is unique and comes with his or her own set of challenges when it comes to potential issues with sleep. On that note, we are offering one of our readers a FREE email consultation with Erika. Visit our competition page for more details.
If you feel like Erika's sage wisdom would benefit your family, you can book your consultation with her here.
About Erika
With close to a decade spent working in childcare, Erika invested her wealth of experience with newborns, toddlers, children with special needs, multiples and more into The Sleep Dept in 2016. A sleep consultancy founded on Erika’s own gentle sleep training techniques, The Sleep Dept is all about creating bespoke sleeping plans for families to help them get a truly good night.
Erika Lamour, Infant Sleep Consultant